Last Thursday, I released an article exploring how we treat half the population responsible for birthing you and me.

Read it here.

Today, I delve into the meaning and significance of a woman, the reasoning behind her नाज़ुक (tender) existence and how this frail flower needs to be respected by even a man with balls in today’s world.

Note: I edited the article a bit and changed the language as per the feedback for the first part. Do share your opinions on this one.

Do you know what a woman actually is?

“How can you appreciate what you don’t even have the capacity to understand?”

So said Lestat de Lioncourt (in Interview with the Vampire)

Most of us don’t know enough about women to truly appreciate their existence.

Except for their boobs and vagina, the rest of a woman is seen as a man.

This may seem a small revelation, but it explains why men compare women to themselves so easily and scoff at them because they are ‘weak’ and thus below them in their unconscious minds.

Women are indeed born gentler and more nimbler than men, we are not strong and muscular or even practical at times, but emotional creatures.

Our bodies are fragile oddments, a man can lift heavy, work heavy and be built rough and tough, but the body of a woman is limited in comparison to a man’s because from the very beginning of its existence, it is customised to nurse the posterity, not fight men’s battles alongside them.

This explains why women are seen as inferior creatures in an imaginary championship most aren’t even aware of.

This ignorance is so widespread that our previous generation of women intentionally bowed to their male partners and took everything with silence, because they were taught this same cocktail of ignorant and harmful ‘reality of life’.

Perhaps the most evident signs of this deep-rooted ignorance are the myths around menstruation, an essential biological process thought of being ‘impure’ and ‘dirty’.

In India, only two types of women are respected:

1. A mother

2. कंजक में बैठने वाली कन्या (Girls who sit for kanjak)

At the cost of a woman’s monthly health who may or may not become a mother one day.

But even this respect is कहने सुनने की बातें (only for talks).

Have you never heard of a girl child or a dadi ki age ki women being raped in India?

The biology of menstrual blood

It is surprising how the same men who want nothing more than to put themselves beneath a pussy will avoid women like a plague once she starts leaking blood instead of cum.

Menstruation is the sign of a fertile woman, but during periods, a bleeding woman is avoided just like a woman who does not bleed or birth is during the shaadi matchmaking season.

Mothers are respected because they birth mankind, but chutiya is still a gaali.

There’s more to a woman’s body than boobs and vagina.

But a female body doesn’t just suddenly sustain life to give birth to these fools one day.

It prepares its whole life for it.

It is also this cycle that gives her body the frailty and imbalance everyone looks down upon this gender for.

One of the most irksome ignorant elements are the ones who remark, ‘इतना क्या दर्द होता है?’ (How much does it even pain?)

If a man’s body were to produce an egg every month, used a substantial amount of the incoming nutrition to prepare for an egg which may or may not be fertilised during the month, and contracted every month (sometimes similar to a mother in early labour) to ‘throw’ out this nutrition, I highly doubt they could continue living their blissfully ignorant lives.

The hormonal cycle, the constant ups and downs of the chemicals which affect happiness and give rise to the ‘drama’ women infamous cycle.

The ‘impurity’ that flows out is the nutrition-rich lining of the womb, and you need not take my word for it.

Mix 1 part of the blood with 9 parts of water and watch a plant bloom with life and rigour.

How emotions keep the world together

As mentioned earlier, women indeed are more emotional than their male counterparts.

There is a difference, however, between emotional creatures and emotional fools.

My mother suffered from domestic violence till she was diagnosed with psychosis, a result of the incessant trauma to her mind and body.

Had she not been so emotional, she would have left the house without me and my younger brother long ago, to deal with a father crazed with his powers as a household head he never really deserved.

My undesirable existence might have vanished without a trace, had my mother not protected me out of emotions, over the cost of her own mind and body.

I could have died and you would never be able to read this.

I am also a very emotional creature, and it is out of these emotions that I jumped in every time to protect my mother from him.

My brother was too young to understand the situation or take a stand, but if he had taken the celebrated masculine route to power, I doubt there would be anything left to call a home.

Thankfully my brother grew up a far gentler man than my father (hopefully due to my influence as well), and he moves people with music, the same I do with words.

We are both against this irrational battle of the sexes and influence people’s emotions, connect with them at their core and move them to establish peace.

A far more practical way would be to punish our father, take up a road and stalk the streets to take out every stalker, harasser and eve-teaser.

Sound familiar?

This is what the bajrang dal does to everyone who dares to display love, not apathy for women publicly.

Without legal boundations or emotional thinking, these ‘masculine’ men are spreading hate for the very thing they claim to protect.

Spoiler alert: There is no future for me to talk about here

Our country today is suffering from an abundant lack of critical thinking, which is why we have insults like:

“हाथों में चूड़ियां पहन रखी हैं क्या?” (Are you wearing bangles?)

“लड़कियों की तरह क्यों रोते हो?” (Why are you crying like girls?)

“लड़की हो क्या?” (Are you a girl?)

But a country that worships Durga and silences women doesn’t need more steel.

What it needs is Saraswati: the courage to think freely, analyse ruthlessly and speak fearlessly.

No country can face the future while abusing the very women who birth it.

Originally published on Substack. View Discussion on Substack →

There is an atmosphere of heavy gloom over ठाकुर साहब का बंगला (Master Thakur’s house).

The room is dark, but the hearts of the people standing there are darker.

“दूध है घर में?” (Is there milk in the house?)

“दारोगा लोग को पता चला तो ज़िंदगी गुज़र जाएगी कचहरी में,” (If the police come to know a lifetime will be spent in jail)

“क्या करेंगे साहब एक और का?” (What will the master make of another?)

The man, a well-respected man in his village, forced a smile.

“अरे, ये मुँह क्यों लटका लिये? दुर्गा हुई है हमारे घर!” (Why make this long face? A Durga is born at our house!)

But why would a man feared as the devil even need a दुर्गा (Durga), or काली (Kaali), for that matter?

If only that मनहूस (inauspicious) wasn’t born…

A frail little girl cowered in the corner of her palatial home, not able to understand why nobody was happy to see her new baby sister.

A life of fear

There is a hollow in my heart because I was never treated as a human because I dared to be born a woman in India.

There is a lust in strangers’ eyes when they regard me, even though I have the same चूचें (boobs) and चूत (vagina) their mothers do.

Unfortunately, this story of constant fear isn’t the psychotic ravings of my insane mind.

It is a grim reality I face alongside other girls and women.

Remember the smirk on the face of the distinguished-looking gentleman who touched me on the butt in the middle of a crowd.

The giggle of the boys who watched me when I bent to tie my shoelaces.

My father’s scolding not to bend in the middle of a street I didn’t even want to walk on.

The echoing slap when I said that the raped girl had the right to go out at night.

I witnessed this constant harassment of this lovely woman I knew at work being brushed off under the master camouflage “joking”.

Heard yet another incident of my former manager sexually harassing another employee and her firing because she dared to speak up.

A good friend of mine was sexually touched at the ripe age of 6 (1st grade).

Saw a girl’s shoulders tense when I walked behind her on the road, and heard her sigh of relief when I passed her by.

Asked my 4th grader student if she knew about good touch and bad touch, and heard the little girl’s story of men devouring them with their eyes, shaded in a car parked in front of the building’s guard post.

Even our homes are not safe…

My birth anniversary could have become my father’s death anniversary, had circumstances permitted, but unfortunately I was destined to see my mother I loved and admired die inside her physical body, powerless as he would beat her senseless.

My father adores his राजा बेटा (kingly son, me) now, and yet for some reason it’s hard for me to live outside those nights when deciding how to think about him.

And yet when I talk about domestic violence with others, it sounds like I am a raving manwoman.

“हाँ तो वो उनकी मर्जी है, वो जैसे जिए।” (It is their wish how to live)

Followed by their rants of equally toxic homes and the constant anxiety from having to spend every single day with them.

When I suggest they leave the house, my words are met with anger.

“हाँ तो तुम्हें मतलब नहीं है तो इसका मतलब ये नहीं कि हम भी अपने parents की respect नहीं करते” (Just because you don’t care doesn’t mean we also don’t respect our parents)

I am yet to understand how letting their mothers be beaten in front of them is respecting the woman who gave birth to them.

She knows she doesn’t have a choice, but my generation?

Don’t we know better?

Durga, the goddess of strength and substandard creatures on earth

People say women’s rights are nonexistent in India.

I disagree.

We are endowed with multiple rights that make us on par and sometimes even superior to men. Theoretically, at least.

The problem is that respect for the women around you is still a Western concept for most in India.

While people here pride themselves on worshipping दुर्गा (Durga), the same people fail to realise that this country has the same problem of rape as अमरिका (America), although most Americans don’t worship दुर्गा (Durga).

And that is the root of all problems.

People fail to realise the rationality of our ancient yet relevant cultural beliefs.

दुर्गा (Durga), aka a woman, is the gentle yet powerful strength birthing every human to ever exist.

This glorious counterpart to the sapient male is responsible for providing a safe and comforting refuge at home and in her arms to the provider of nations, and birthing healthy heirs to her man and the land, raising them capable enough to keep up the wheel of progress.

Her smile is peace, her tears are just and her love is divine.

And her wrath?

India today is plagued by the wrath of the much-ignored feminine entities till now.

We call them feminists.

I shall not comment on the thought process and methodologies of this unorganised masses chanting ‘men will be men’ but safe to say I envision no healthy future for our country with this polarised population raising the next generation.

But why are women so ignored and thought low off in India?

Why is it so hard for the जनता (population), consisting of both men and women, to understand that a woman is not their slave, but independent humans with their own will, dreams, strengths, expectations and hopes?

Coming up next…

This concludes part 1 of this article.

I shall be releasing part 2 of this article on Sunday.

Here is what you to expect on the weekend:

Do you know what a woman is?

The biology of menstrual blood

How emotions keep the world together

Follow me on Reddit to get notified when the piece drops.

Originally published on Substack. View Discussion on Substack →

Note: This article has been written after the author watched what she believes is a genuine rape (classified as ‘rape porn’) recorded and posted online for the amusement of the masses.

It has always surprised me how rape, considered to be the worst crimes against women, is the source of pleasure to a big chunk of the population, for whom it is recorded and posted online.

It is an even surprise that Indians, the people from the land of Durga and Kali worshippers, indulge in the egregious pleasure.

So I did the only rational thing that may help us in getting to the root of the problem: searched it up online and analysed the nitty-gritty of it.

A Note on the Analysed Piece

The piece I analyse below is of gang members raping a girl travelling alone through an abandoned building at night.

The members upon finding her, undress her in the most brutal way possible and proceed to commit unspeakable acts of cruelty against her.

I could not find the view count, ‘likes’ or comment data on the video, but safe to say that if someone is paying to make sure it stays public, they are profiting off of it.

I noticed a unique sync in their sinful actions, like lifting the girl so the other can penetrate her.

Their faces shine with the sweat of the effort and their excitement at being able to have a ‘pass’ at the female.

They seem to think nothing of this live human they are relishing their physical pleasures with; she is used like a toy they paid for and is now theirs to enjoy.

I point out the sync of their actions because they seem more in sync together than the throngs of men and women who protest against such crimes in public.

Noble as their activism is, no actionable outcomes follow from their efforts to ensure the safety of women, perhaps because the root cause of such crimes are rarely understood by most.

No, patriarchy is not the root problem I am talking about here.

If patriarchy were the problem, there would be no rape crimes with male victims.

Why Rapists Rape

In today’s society, we have rape perpetrators from both genders indiscriminately raping the other and their own gender.

The numbers may differ, but the root cause we identify must explain why all these crimes occur.

Let me walk you through the answers with a set of few questions:

1. What makes the rape one of the most cruel crimes against mankind?

Ans. Neglecting consent.

2. What happens when consent is neglected?

Ans. One party, the victim(s) are subject to the whims and fantasies of the other party, the oppressor(s).

3. What does the victim feel upon being raped?

Ans. A loss of control over their body and choices.

4. What does the criminal gain from raping another person?

Ans. Physical pleasure, but more importantly, control over the victim’s body to use and dispose of as they please.

This explains why so many rape victims in India are killed after their harrowing experience.

The perpetrator, drunk with power of control over the victim’s body, assumes (with full conviction) that their new toy is theirs to throw away as they please; naked from a moving bus, to chop into pieces and dispose of in the river, to leave with naked body in a field with sticks and stones in all the holes they enjoyed defiling.

Diving into The Data

As per the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), in the year 2022, there were 31,516 rape cases and 248 cases of rape with murder.

Basically around 31,516 individuals (a rough figure, it might be more with gang rape figures or less due to repeat offenders) thought nothing more of a fellow human than an object for their sexual pleasure.

248 lives were taken because either the perpetrator assumed control over the victim’s right to live or they judged the victim’s life less important than their desperation to avoid jail.

There are some who will interject that these figures show the officially recorded cases and thus don’t represent the full picture; and they are absolutely right.

In a country where shame is prioritised over justice, we can get an idea about the actual rape figures by studying how safe a woman is in the environment where she lives.

The ‘Dark figure of crime’ revolves around comparing the police (NCRB) records against household surveys (NFHS) for sexual violence, which shows that 99% of sexual violence crimes are not officially reported.

There are other factors as well, such as:

1. A rape murder that is only recorded as murder because:

   1. Only recording as murder to keep the rape statistical figure low

   2. No evidence of sexual violence on the bodies of the women which decompose before they are found

   3. Rapes being disguised as honour killings

2. Rape and other sexual violence by spouse is not illegal

These factors together silence the victims even if they are alive and screaming for justice.

Thus, it is estimated that for every 1 case officially registered in the records, there could be 100s you and I will never know about.

The Hunt for a Victim

A rapist derives his identity (at least at the time of raping) by controlling the future of their victim through their physical and identity degradation (from Draupadi to a rape victim, for example) and it would thus make more sense for him to rape someone he sees everyday around him.

He might enjoy the tensing of her body as he passes her by, her decisions as to where she goes (anywhere but near him) and knowing the ‘one-up’ he has over her with the elevation of his standing as the controller and the degradation of hers as the victim.

In 95.8% of the above cases, the victim knew the perpetrator.

Just 9,258 cases of these were false promises to marry, a big 20,910 cases involved a family member, neighbour or other acquaintances.

The Unheard Story of the Human ‘object’

The victim in the video looked like she wasn’t aware of what was happening for the first 15 minutes of the video, she seemed so shocked she might have disconnected from her grim reality completely.

There was no physical protest after the first 2 minutes, only her eyes fluttered open randomly to show that was still alive.

At the rough 15 minute mark, she seemed to be starting to realise what was happening to her and tried weakly flailing her body to escape the horror she was forced to endure. Weakened by the 15 minutes of nonstop torture and a mind not ready to accept the truth, she made attempts to protect herself that can only be described as desperately weak.

The man, fueled by testosterone and the power over her life at that moment, held her firm with their feet and slaps.

She finally cried as her brutal reality crashed in on her.

I have no idea what became of her after that, or even if she is alive or dead as I dissect her ordeal here.

I saw a good friend of mine, the most fearless and ferocious friend I know in fact, getting scared only once since I met her.

She recounted being sexually touched (she did not elaborate, nor did I press her on it) by two neighbours and two cousins (from Maasi, her mother’s sister’s sons).

Her black eyes always full of merriment and mischief dulled for the five minutes throughout the course of this conversation. I can only describe her manner then with the word सहम (feeling of fear).

She has a man who loves her dearly but she couldn’t embrace him without suffering a panic attack (thankfully he helped her out of it and supported her with love, care and time).

Her wound from the past, however, still hurts her loved ones in the present she wants to share her future with.

While she avoids her mother’s dear sister’s house like the plague after her ordeal, the two sons are married and go on living their lives, with families and children of their own.

There is no point in you, the reader, or me, her friend, in being sad about these past incidents.

The best step we can take is to make sure that no other girl goes through the order of this magnitude where their right to life is thus insulted again.

How to Encourage Rape

My friend - and me, the victim of sexual touches in public, would urge us all to dedicate ourselves to making sure that this does not happen again, either to me, or to her, or to anyone else for that matter.

Each rape that goes unpunished emboldens the identity of the perpetrator as someone who has the power to control another human’s rights and life.

Each time a victim is asked, “Kya kapde pehne the?”, “Vahan kyu gayi?” or “Itni raat mein kyu baahar thi”, is us asserting the perpetrator’s superiority over a victim left with no choice.

Each rape that goes unpunished is not just us ignoring rape, it is us celebrating the rape culture.

Note: The author mainly focuses this piece on rapes performed against Indian women, but the core idea remains the same when we study rapes against men.

Patriarchy is the not the core reason as commonly misunderstood, however. It is why an overwhelming number of victims are women.

Conclusion: My Reflections as the Writer of This Piece

As a writer I have written many words that made me cry, as I dissected and accepted them.

This piece is no doubt one of the most brilliant articles I ever wrote, but it is so deeply affecting I still haven’t started processing it, perhaps.

Or maybe it is the reason for my gloomy affections nowadays.

I hesitate while sharing it, this piece is definitely very unsettling.

However, everything I wrote above is true to the best of my knowledge and although it will hurt a lot of us, the victims of those monsters hurt them much, much more than we can imagine.

It thus becomes our responsibility to accept the grave truth beside them and do our best to make sure that we raise our voices, not let any evildoing take place under our watch and hold the perpetrator accountable instead of questioning the victim’s rights.

I deliberated sending this piece to online publishing platforms, but to retain the independence of my thoughts and words and to keep contributing freely to germinating ideas in your fertile minds, I decided against it.

Thank you for staying with me despite my irregular writing schedule and supporting me through my fragile health.

Your support means the world to this small writer.

After I published The Purpose of Life piece, I received a lot of favourable feedbacks that helped me keep writing however imperfectly.

Currently I tasked my brother with making me a website that can be my own corner online, and I cannot wait to share it with you all!

Till then, though, I need your support to keep writing fearlessly, both emotionally and financially:

1. Donate to me on the QR given below:

2. Like and comment under this post on Substack to help me reach more readers.

3. Share this publication with someone you think would find it an interesting read.

There is no obligation for you to do any of the three, but its a very proud moment for me when I do receive support and the knowledge that my words changed someone’s life / mind.

If you do decide to donate, let me know. Don’t be constrained by amount, Rs 10 from these writings matter as much as Rs 100 because it will be my first, haha.

Any feedbacks and criticisms can be either commented publically (it helps me improve lots).

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Have a brilliant and thoughtful day, folks!

Acknowledgements

A big thank you to my partner for not letting me quit writing, even though I whined and begged to him for it.

He hates reading but will read my pieces before I send them to you, it is with his blessings that I published this raw, uncut and impactful.

Secondly to my friend who gave me permission to share her story and read it, even if it hurt her, so that I could finalise it.

I owe you a meal when my payment is cleared, girl.

And thirdly to Krishna (not the God btw), a writer-fellow who encouraged me to express it out instead of letting it decay inside me.

My rawness scares me too, but their motivations ring louder than the fear I face when writing my heart out.

And lastly, thank you, dear readers, for reading everything I write.

Originally published on Substack. View Discussion on Substack →

Let’s start as poor peeps

If you don’t mind, I will be making you the head of a poverty-stricken household with a wife and 2 schoolchildren and calling you Ameer (oh, the irony!).

You are a driver to a somewhat rich household and your day job is driving your employers in a car to wherever their fancy wants them to be.

Your wife, Shanti works as a maid.

You earn Rs 18,000 in your job, your wife brings in another Rs 7k with her part-time, and sometimes more if she is lucky.

You have two kids Raja and Rani, and you are educating in the best private school you can afford so that they can get their generation out of the poverty you live in.

Funds are always in deficit, but you manage.

You cannot afford toys and such luxuries for your kids, but the basics are covered at least.

Sometimes you come across a lottery ticket booth promising Rs 3 lakh reward for winners.

If I get 3 lakhs, all my money problems will be solved, you think.

So you buy the Rs 250 ticket the first month, another the second month and in the third month, the booth guy recognises when you walk in.

“Aise nahi chalega bhaiya. Jyada ticket loge tabhi toh aapke jeetne ka chance rahega!“ (This won’t work brother. You can only increase your chance of winning by buying more tickets!)

Ab baat toh sahi ki (he said the right thing). So you buy 3 more tickets, totalling Rs 1000.

The booth waale bhaiya asks you to get at least 4 more, but no. This is all you can afford.

Small note here.

As people who studied probability and statistics, we know that assuming a 1000 tickets are sold (many more, but let’s consider 1000 for simplicity sake), your chances after buying from 1 to 4 ticket just went from 1/1000 to 4/1000, or from 0.0001 to 0.0004.

Ameer is not as educated as us unfortunately, so he hasn’t yet figured out that the booth waala bhaiya is not as concerned about helping him win as he is with increasing the sales of his ticket.

You will figure it out eventually, hopefully perhaps.

That night, you take home those 4 tickets and have a quarrel with your wife Shanti.

“Waise hee paise nahi hai, 1000 Rs barbaad krke aa gaye janaab“ (There is already a deficit a money and he wasted a Rs 1000)

“Jab jeetenge na toh tumhe ache restaurant mein khaana khilaunga. Chinta kyu karti ho?“ (When we win, I will treat you to meal in a good restaurant. Why are you worried?)

But you don’t win. You don’t win with 4 tickets the next time, with 8 tickets the next time, or the 12 tickets you tensely bought even though Shanti has stopped talking to you completely.

But you go to get the ticket next time, all tense, worried and sweaty.

Your marriage is in the danger of falling apart, the kids know something is up. The landlord sneered and increased the rent this month. Yesterday your employer chided you for always being distracted and wanting easy money.

The booth waala bhai is busy sweet-talking another customer into buying 2 more tickets, and boy does it seem familiar.

Isn’t this how you both first started talking? He seemed so concerned about you not winning, your growing problems and filled you with hope - when you win, you will show them.

Sab kuch khatm hai… Even if you could cry, there is no point. A substantial portion of your monthly income has already gone into trying your way to luck.

What the hell, you think. Itna paisa waste ho gaya hai, itne mein pee hii leta (So much money has been wasted, I could have gotten drunk with it)

That night your friends convince you to drink yourself silly.

Your wife’s body and your children’s tears are the price for all that money spent, and thus begins a perpetual cycle of addiction, abuse, apathy and regret.

What do you think is the moral of the story?

Do you think Ameer can raise his children out of the hellhole he lives in?

The greed of Rs 3 lakh leads the family which was on its way out back again to the same pits of hell they tried rising against.

Ameer will probably realise too late that his responsibilities were not the letdowns, he himself was.

His wife will steadily lose her dedication towards her husband, sacrifice herself to protect her children. Or more accurately, she will maintain the delusion of an ‘always right’ husband to keep coping with her reality, to keep justifying why she protects and not rebels. Her children will be disillusioned about the world before they even see it.

They will go out in hopes of finding the love they could not get inside their home, and lose their way just like their father did.

Perhaps the lottery wala is to blame for the downfall of a family.

But even that bhaiya isn’t exactly going to FD his money, is he?

He will probably spend his ill-acquired gains in stuff like alcohol or women, stuff that lasts only long as their luck and money do.

If all that extra money was really benefitting him, he would be rich one day, no? He probably gets better at slick-talking every time he slick-talks, eh?

There is a reason why some empires last thousands of years while other come and vanish in the blink of an eye.

Humans may last 60 to 100 years, but their mindset, the patterns they live by consciously or unconsciously, the beliefs they lived by persist through their children and the next generations.

In a civilisation where trying to climb up by destroying each other is the norm, one day comes when there remains nothing to destroy anymore.

I use big words like empire and civilisation, but on a smaller timescale this is just as valid for different societies.

Like the society of the rich, for example.

Can I douse you in luxury for a moment?

You are Gareebchand, the man leading a business empire of coal mining companies worth millions of dollars.

Your company, Koyela, is in a tough duopoly with the rival organisation Khudaai.

You live in a mansion-like home with your own huge lawn and swimming pool, are blessed with a beautiful sanskaari wife Komal you got married to when you were still hustling out there and also have 2 kids, Rao and Rai.

Your girlfriend Komal was desired by many men, and it was a desire to stand apart from those suitors that made you hustle as hard as you did.

You learnt from the best in Khudaai, saved money and contacts, got reduced to bones and sweat to make the first contract work, and kept at it until you are where you are.

You wanted to be someone from no one, but you ended up as the one.

People sneered at you earlier, and now they will happily grind their noses to your feet for a moment of your time.

You are who you once wanted to be.

And yet, something feels lacking.

You worked so hard to prove yourself to you, to your wife, her family and all friends.

Then why are you not happy now?

Maybe more wealth will cure it, maybe its because you still need to compete with what you left behind long ago.

You bribe the government officials to get your hands on more contracts, and succeed in securing them.

You increase your wealth by hundreds of millions more.

And yet you cannot find what you wanted to see in your wife’s eyes.

She is dismissive and physically present but mentally absent whenever you are around.

You mostly come back at 2 am or later after working yourself to the bone, but nothing is ever enough.

You begin to feel frustrated.

And then, as it always happens in serials, you start noticing the seductive new hire you got. She also seems sweet on you.

Instead of going back at 2, you just stop going home.

Passion lives here, in her arms. That mansion is an empty nest with empty people.

But all negligences incur losses. For Gareebchand, he first pays with his business.

His absence from office means more freedom to employees to take home what they want, and bit by bit the vultures chip away at your crown.

The investors flock back to Khudaai, and Koyela is dark once more.

By the time you come home, there is no home to come back to.

The secretary was just another vulture, the moment you could not afford another Gucci she suddenly started loving another man (boss?).

‘Main bass tumhe khush rakhna chahta tha’ (I just wanted to keep you happy)

‘Agar aap hain toh mereko aur kuch nahi chahie’ (If you are here, I don’t want anything else) Komal cooes.

She didn’t want more money, it turns out. She wants you. She married you because she loves you, you didn’t have to build an empire to get the respect she always had but couldn’t show.

The respect she couldn’t show because you were away working midnights at your different offices, and later bedrooms.

The core of Ameer, Gareebchand and their stories

Both men were not satisfied with what they had.

Both wanted more.

Both thought they needed more and more and more to be happy.

Both won in maintaining their home and failed to their greed.

Sadness, depression, hopelessness, misery, despair, pain…

They don’t creep in when our lives become difficult, they enter our lives when we close our eyes.

Happiness, joy, love, hope, life - it is present everywhere, in each corner of the world.

It is upto us whether we choose to acknowledge the happiness in our lives or not.

The world suffers when we choose to discount our blessings and ruthlessly ‘earn’ more from the world.

We may not feel it now, but we are harming ourselves, our loves ones and this whole world when we trod upon others after killing them for our greed.

The poor and the rich, why do they both need more?

Because none of them sees what they have, they only want more at the cost of this world’s peace.

The greatest sin we all commit is neglecting ourselves, disrespecting and insulting the goodness we all are born with.

We all need external validation, it is a basic psychological need. But those who cannot validate you for your presence will never validate you even for your wealth, they will only validate as long as they can either spend or have access to your wealth.

If you want to earn for yourself, that’s amazing! You are providing for yourself.

But ignoring what you already have and getting something because ‘I have nothing’ is a great disservice to ourselves.

Wrapping up

As a kid in my mid-20s, I am surrounded by my hustling friends and loved ones.

‘We need to earn more’

I always ask them for what, and ‘hona chahiye’ is their answer.

Although I have been depressed this past year for the same reason.

But there is something I always noticed.

The rich seem the same sad, lonely and desperate the poor do.

Then what is the point of them earning more?

I realised around 3-4 months earlier that both are two different statues made out of the same mud, one made to look pretty and other quite sad.

Life is our carver, and when we get too disbalanced, life the artisan takes the liberty of destroying and remaking us.

Something we puny humans call growth, or at least the opportunity for it.

It just hit me yesterday that I am meant to earn and earn lots, my partner once told me how he thinks I will earn much more than he ever can.

But in the Rancho run-after-perfection style, the Chatur style is not for idiots like me.

Maybe its so easy for me to dismiss money as an indicator of life quality because of this strangely-enduring confidence in me about my earning ability.

I don’t where you are reading this from, dear reader, but know that I wish and hope and pray the best for you and your efforts.

I hope that you build what you need, give away what you don’t and keep reading my words and supporting me with your smiles :)

Originally published on Substack. View Discussion on Substack →

For S

I have been wanting to go to an escape room for over a month now.

Recently I got tired of my partner’s no-time shit and asked him if he was going or not.

He banded together our friend S (the girl next-door), his brother and uski bandi (his girlfriend) and we were held up by our third friend AA (the second girl next-door).

S asked AA to come, and she said she wanted permission from her boyfriend.

We all were exasperated, we knew she would decline (someone ditched our last outing too) but this time she took a whole day to decline, apparently because her boyfriend didn’t permit her.

“Why ask him to look good if she is going to flirt with others at the office anyways?”

(flirt for the lack of a better word)

Let us find out why, S.

We all know that feku friend (showoff friend).

Why show off when everyone knows the truth?

The paradox of a modern life

We all today have more than our ancestors ever did.

I am typing this on a laptop, sitting in a solid house made of bricks and beautiful paint, I have my own wooden table and a swivelling chair, I am wearing a white lab coat I got for a birthday gift and listening to music pumping in my earphones. All this arrangement is just for me to write.

While my father studied under an oil lamp when he was a student.

We all are wildly blessed and our fathers, even a generation ago couldn’t have predicted this.

But beneath these blessings is the dark side of modern abundance, the curse that we, young adults, are inflicted with, especially as Indians.

A massive competition with millions of others like us and the curse of ‘more and more and more’ inflicting us.

What I have isn’t unique, everyone has access to these amenities. So what I am using right now, even if unimaginably lucky for my father, is a mere basic for me.

What I have is nothing special.

So I must get more to stand out and actually be lucky. And this thought process is not just mine, it is, of course, shared by my father who will think it’s a waste of education to have these mere basics even after the prestigious degree I have.

And here enters the curse of more and more and more.

The markers of success

Today, for a person to be successful, there are certain criteria he must fulfill.

For starters, he must have respect in the society.

Respect comes with money and status. Status can be bought with money, so in the end, your bank balance defines your respect in the society.

Money in itself is derived from work, and in today’s world, it is as easy to earn black money as it is to earn fair money.

In fact, the intricacies of earning money are wildly convoluted today.

You can be a cush techie and still earn less than an OnlyFans model, who earns more than a prostitute, who has a more hands-on job.

Even the earnings of a CEO is easily dwarfed by creators making videos on YouTube, who can earn more by spending less and doing dream stuff (like travelling around the world for $100).

See how complicated money has become today?

And if you can convince the society you earn through a fair source (shell companies?). You are the ideal child to your parents.

Even better if you can buy a Mercedes and a huge palatial home, even if you don’t actually need those.

But how much do we really need?

How many rooms do you live in on a daily basis?

Two? Four? Six?

Three I would say is more than enough for most of us bachelors. A bedroom, a washroom and a kitchen area.

How many rooms do you think fit into a palatial home?

At least 7-8. For a family with 4 people.

So every member of the house can easily have their own bedroom and washroom, while the cook can cook in the kitchen.

People admire big houses and huge rooms but they forget the loneliness that might follow with having your own everything.

A family is supposed to share, no? Happiness, sadness, love, care.

If you don’t even see your family in that huge house, do you think you will care for them even when you do?

None of us needs to live in a huge palace. All we need is an airy house and open people.

The most wonderful house I have ever been to is undoubtedly my partner’s.

My parent’s flat has two bedrooms and a guestroom, fancy fans and a huge TV but I hated it. I happened to live in the store room, you see.

My partner’s house might be rundown compared to mine, but it is warm. A family lives there, a family that loves and cares and smiles together.

And I think the most important part of a house is not the appliances it has or the fancy things people show off, it is the people that reside there.

In a warm house of a family that loves each other, the house has its own soul filled with warmth and welcoming vibes, even for a stranger and especially for a weary survivor of life.

My flat screams a good standard of living, but no one actually lives there. It is a fancy flat with no soul.

And that might be the reason why I never want to go back to that ‘modern’ home.

Ok, all that you said is cool. But why did she lie???

Ohhhhh snap. I didn’t even tell you what all the lies were.

I cannot recall particularly, but it was along the lines of how perfect they are and how he takes care of her and checks up on her and how he earns comfortable and lives a high standard life and can be careless with money.

She told me these, and S told me how they are always fighting.

And on the rare instances that I walked in on this, she looks terribly upset.

As a girlfriend to someone, let me tell you no relationship is perfect. We all fight (horribly so) for no significant reason at all (it’s always the girl) and the fight always has a silly resolution (basically there was no reason to fight in the first place).

What is this contradiction between her words and actions?

When she tells us she is living this perfect life, she is lying as much to herself as she is to us.

She isn’t showing off more than she is convincing herself that everything is absolutely golden.

People lie for three reasons, whether to others or to themselves: to excuse themselves, to convince or to sell.

A perfect relationship wouldn’t need anyone taking permission to do anything.

By selling us the lie of a perfect relationship and convincing herself on her perfect life, she is digging a hole to bury her insecurities in and forget all about it.

The real struggle of a modern life - the lies we tell ourselves

There is absolutely zero reason for me to think my income needs an upgrade.

Yes, while that karate class and more money to buy gifts for him wouldn’t hurt, I lead a comfortable life.

Most of my friends I see getting tired of their lives are tired because they convince themselves they are living amidst countless difficulties.

If you have a solid roof over your head, you can eat healthy, live a good lifestyle and go out and generously spend from time to time, I would say you are living the ideal life.

No one actually needs more. The curse of more and more and more is a delusion we burden ourselves with.

What about society, Lexica?

Well, fuck em. No society ever helped anyone in need. In fact, they turned on their ghosting mode and only came back to say they always believed in the loser that succeeded.

Even if they were the ones to make that person a loser by calling them one repeatedly.

Why seek approval from such a fickle society?

In fact if anyone in this society approves of someone, I would be on my guard.

Society is so stupid it can be deceived by appearances. An ideal that the society wants is just a hogwash fanciful wish, an ideal that does not exist.

I don’t want to be brought in on lies society bought in to give itself hope.

People look for hope in the ideal when hope is literally right next to them.

If having everything, or even if just barely enough to support you in living and working to achieve your dreams does not give you hope,

I don’t know what will.

There is no happy future, just the best now

While the article is mostly over, I want to leave you with a small afterthought.

I made a wish for myself that I took up as my dream, under the stars to the stars as a little star.

It is still unfulfilled, and so on my darkest nights I asked myself

“What would happen if I died while working for that dream?”

I am not able to work for it directly even today, because I want to be financially strong and not have to worry about everything while working on it.

But unbeknownst to myself, I have always been working on that dream even when I was trying to die.

Each moment spent alive is a moment spent staying alive for that dream.

I didn’t realise it back then, but I could get myself out of that darkness because I always had this curiosity to know if I would achieve my dream.

And between this curiosity and the thought of dying before winning, I think I will achieve that dream of mine someday.

Would you die happy if you died working for your dream?

And if you have no dream, maybe read this newsletter again and stop lying to yourself.

Everyone has a dream, even if it’s just to be able to sleep peacefully at night without worrying about anything at all.

Originally published on Substack. View Discussion on Substack →

This is a conversation I had on Reddit about bursting crackers on Diwali.

Basically, bursting crackers is seen as a part of religion and a way to showcase your strength and devotion as Hindus.

But when Ram returned to Ayodhya, firecrackers didn’t exist.

Diyas did.

Diyas exist today too, but what is the value of a diya?

The same people who haggle to reduce the price of a diya from ₹ 12 to ₹ 10 have no qualms in buying firecrackers worth ₹ 5000.

How can a person spend ₹ 5000 on something that finishes burning within 2 hours but not on something that lasts for more than 2 years and helps the poor folks selling them have something to eat that night?

The invention of firecrackers

Nevermind that, let me share with you the story of the invention of firecrackers.

Back in 800 AD, like most inventions, fireworks started off as a search for a cure for immortality.

This Chinese dude mixed sulphur, charcoal and potassium and was stupid enough to let it catch fire - because it promptly exploded.

And when the other peeps put this gunpowder into bamboo or paper tubes, fireworks were born.

Fireworks reached North West India from Iran and the Middle East - and into the hands of the Delhi Sultanate. The Mughals, the ones all Hindus hate.

[Don’t believe me, check out the source]

And today we call it a Hindu tradition and not bursting crackers is a sign of weakness.

But who is paying the price of the firecrackers we are bursting?

The actual price of bursting firecrackers every diwali

Not the people who have so much money to waste for sure. They don’t need our empathy for now, because for them it is burnt and done.

But the people who were injured due to these crackers, those whose property caught fire, the people who can’t breathe and have been admitted in hospital and are circulating messages to gather funds for expensive operations.

How many of these people who wasted ₹ 5000 on a Mughal product will pay even ₹ 200 to save the lives of those they potentially killed?

Absolutely 0. Because instead of working harder to cover up for their damages, they are busy ferociously defending hinduism online and calling everyone against firecrackers weak.

Would it surprise you if this same population sent dick pics to ‘randi who remain online all day?’

The meaning of hinduism - is it really what we are taught?

Hinduism always captivated me.

As a person who grew up reading books on stupid people working hard to achieve their goals, I have always been a humanist at heart.

I don’t care about a man, woman, child, black or disabled. If I see a group tearing down others for their rights, I tear them back down to make them think. But they rarely do.

They lost their individual thinking long ago when they adopted group think. And only their own individual pain can help them learn to think on their own now.

Most hindus fall into the category of groupthinkers. They don’t think for themselves, like a silly parrot that has been taught a few phrases, they will repeat it. On. On. And on.

In fact, as the number of these parrots increase, individual voices die down.

It wouldn’t have been a problem if they taught something right. But they are not. And in fact, with whatever little sense they have left, they are busy defending their fragile ego with all the half-information they hear from each other on WhatsApp.

And as every person knows (but does not understand), half knowledge is a dangerous thing.

I read about this kid who worked on a project for his science fair.

He wanted to show why democracy and collective decision-making is important, so he enlightened his 40 friends on the dangers of dihydrogen mono-oxide.

These were the points he made:

It is the chief ingredient in acid rains.

This chemical, in excess, kills many people living in an area.

A person becomes easily dependent on it.

Not continuing to consume it can lead to withdrawal effects.

Out of these 40 people, 36 voted to have this chemical banned.

This chemical is water and the project’s aim was to show the dangerous effects of half-information and how easy it is to influence people with it.

P.S.: He won the first prize.

Apart from the medical knowledge (it might be true) and Patanjali (nobody knows how many were children were orphaned thanks to the chamatkari baba), here is the half-information in circulation today:

1. Hinduism is dying.

2. Muslims teach each other to kill everyone.

3. The caste system is an important part of our religion and abolishing it is disrespecting Gods.

The essence of hinduism

Let us go through it one by one. But first, what exactly is Hinduism?

There are many ways to define a religion. The God one worships, the rituals they follow, the culture and traditions passed on to the next generations.

But Hinduism is above all this.

After all, there are many Gods we worship and those who don’t worship Gods can also be Hindus, our rituals have changed as per the eras, and all our cultural values and traditions have a meaning.

To be a Hindu, you need to believe in the below two ideals:

1. The Law of Karma

2. The Law of Reincarnation

What is the unifying essence of tying up these laws?

“What you do comes back to you. If not in this birth, then the next.”

And that is how not all atheists have to be naastiks. You just need to be a good person to be a Hindu.

Coming back to:

1. Hinduism is dying.

The problem isn’t that Hinduism is dying.

The problem is that the number of people who actually know what Hinduism is is rare.

And the radical elements spreading this half-baked gossip are the biggest perpetrators.

2. Muslims teach each other to kill everyone.

For most, this means that all Muslims should be killed. Not educated, not regulated but killed.

Pakistan should be laid barren, because all Muslims threaten the existence of Hindus.

They can threaten the number of existing Hindus, but do you really think they can in any way threaten what Hinduism must mean to Hindus?

On their quest to eradicate Muslims, Hindus are becoming Muslims they warn against without changing what their religion is called.

3. The caste system is an important part of our religion and abolishing it is disrespecting Gods and their wish for us to not touch the ‘achut’.

There were 16000 women a demon once violated.

The God of these Hindus married all of them to protect their honour and to prevent them from being outcasted by the society.

Would such a God really be happy if you called other Hindus name, abused them and didn’t touch them?

How it goes back to money

So… what does it all have to do with money?

Who do you think benefits the most from the firecrackers sales?

The traders.

These traders buy from companies, some of which have freak accidents and their workers get injured. The work does not stop because Diwali is the peak season for profitability.

For the company owner.

Who do you think pays for this man’s treatment?

His family doesn’t have enough to eat for Diwali.

The delusion of a ramrajya

Who benefits from all these expensive donations to temples?

Would the pandits sleep in the lap of luxury if Hindus donated money to the beggars outside?

Isn’t their treasury worth a small country’s economy enough to feed a few stomachs, or better educate them and train them to look for a job?

Who would benefit if people stopped performing puja?

In fact the priests, samagri manufacturers and the traders will suffer if people started being kind instead and spent that money on helping injured strays.

Who benefits from the reruns of TV Mahabharat and the ‘devotional’ films they make nowadays without caring for factual accuracy or the beautiful art of storytelling?

Indian film industries lost to Japanese ‘cartoons’ and will become obsolete because nobody cares about improving.

Why improve if anything related to religion sells?

The public thinks it is being religious and the rich can get richer.

It is the perfect delusionary win-win without the useless thing called dharma interrupting anyone from living their lavishness.

Originally published on Substack. View Discussion on Substack →

Lexico Musings was a long name so I changed the whole newsletter name to ‘Oh, The Joy Of Being Human!’. Its URL has been also been changed to Dang It I Am A Human (I have always been very vocal about how I love being a human, you know?).

My reasoning behind this whole series is the idea that humans are rationale creatures, thinking is our superpower.

By thinking higher, broader and deeper, we can lead meaningful, fulfilling lives where everyone can be happy together.

But most of us resist thinking - ‘aise hee hota hai’ (it is how it is) has become a catchphrase to justify crimes in the world.

But if we kill and steal and rape like wild animals do, without thinking about consequences, what is the point of us being humans?

And the funniest thing is that people living this lifestyle are also the most miserable people I know.

People I wish they had better circumstances, but then they are actively ruining whatever good they get through ignorance.

Well, I can’t act high and mighty because I also hurt the guy who loves me the most through my ignorance, which is why I dedicate myself to reopening my wounds and healing them by thinking my life through.

It hurts and it stings, but matching his loyalty in love with my own loyalty to him and his lessons makes my life more meaningful than it ever has been.

And through my words, dear readers, I open up my inner world to you for your speculation in the hopes that it can help you think and love.

It doesn’t matter if you agree or disagree with me, as long as I help you be a version of you that you want to be without anyone being hurt, intentionally or unintentionally.

The story of this story

I cried for like 95% of the 2 hours 35 minutes I watched Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba The Movie: Infinity Castle.

The only time I stopped crying was in interval, when I had to catch my breath.

And then the fight with Akaza restarted and I went back to crying.

The story of Akaza reopened some closed chapters of my heart. I am here today to unpack it with you.

I won’t tell you his exact backstory, but explore its theme. I am a writer-prankster, but not an evil one.

The story of Akaza is the story of a guy fighting to protect everything he has, and walking on the classic ‘I will be strong no matter the cost’ after losing everything he was trying to protect.

I have lived a very similar life, just the difference is that after losing something I had been trying to protect, I found something new to protect. By luck, mostly.

The 2 types of people

There are only 2 kinds of people in the world -

1. Those who protect

2. Those who destroy

The society that we live in is an intermix of these 2 kinds of people.

Technically even those who try to destroy are still protecting, they are protecting themselves from finding another thing to protect that might get destroyed and destroy them with itself.

It’s a sad world.

But good and evil, protection and destruction, selfishness and selflessness isn’t as simple as we make it to be.

People can be selfish to the world to protect the one person they dearly love.

The good thing is people can also be selfish to themselves to protect everyone while destroying themselves.

But in this world, where evil abounds and goodness is rare, being selfless to all is a crime you commit against yourself.

Fortunately though, there are ways to be kind and compassionate without letting others ruin you for it.

At the peak time of my suffering, no one whom I had helped helped me back. Everyone had just disappeared, because I was ‘too much’ for them.

A thought struck me back then, a thought that has stuck with me since then -

Do heroes and villains really exist?

In a battle between a hero and a villain, both lose.

How many heroes has the society helped when they need help?

Oh wait, good heroes don’t reveal their identity to anyone. Then how can society help them?

But if they could help the hero,

Would they sacrifice everything like the hero has, to help them?

Or would they hero be left to defend everything, this time everything they have, alone?

Why does goodness have to pay a price like evil has to? What is the point of being good then?

Is there really any meaning to being good, or being a hero or a villain is the 2 sides of the same coin, with flipped narrative?

Let’s now talk about the story of the moon elves and the sun elves, who live in neighbouring villages in the land of magic - Fantasia (very original name, I know).

The sun elves, the moon elves, and the oriental jug

The sun elves worship the sun everyday with a certain ritual, in the forest separating their village from those of the other elves.

The moon elves worship the moon (duh!) and perform a similar ritual at night in the same forest.

The sun elves offer water mugs to the sun. The moon elves offer milk jugs.

One night, after their ritual, a moon elf did not notice a valuable oriental milk jug covered by a thicket of bush. The moon elves searched everywhere but did not find it.

The next morning, when the sun elves came to pray, they found the sparkling milk jug near the bushes. They took the jug to the moon elf village, annoyed that the ritual would be delayed. But they could not start their ritual till the land was ‘fresh’ and devoid of signs of worshipping any other God (they didn’t want to incur the wrath of sun god).

The moon elves, who were exhausted from having searched all night but had to leave early to make space for the sun elves, were uneasy when the sun elves trooped in to deposit that jug. It didn’t help that the haughty sun elves seemed like they were doing a favour.

As they were leaving, they heard a voice remark, “How do we know they didn’t steal it and are returning to ease their conscience?”

“As if we sun elves need to steal from these moon elves,” the sun elf elder retorted. And that was how the war of the Moon elves against the Sun elves started.

The war lasted 122 years, till a sun elf famous for sword fighting joined in. At the same time, a moon elf famous for rapier fighting joined from the moon elf side.

They both killed a great number of soldiers from the opposite camp. Both were strong and seen as the heroes of their villages.

One day, at noon, a great number of moon elves were injured but the sun elves kept going strong (their powers were enhanced at day time), the moon elf hero decided to cover the retreat of his comrades and kept fighting. He killed a great number of sun elves, till the sun elf hero was called.

The sun elf hero helped his other comrades retreat and the two heroes fought each other to near-death. As they lay there, breathing in their last breaths and waiting for reinforcements, they realised they weren’t that different from each other.

Both the villages dare not send anyone for the fear that more of their soldiers would be killed in the battle of these war giants. All scouts active in the war had already been deployed to monitor the enemy village, and no one had the courage to check the battlefield without any sort of protection.

The heroes eventually realised no help was incoming, and anyhow they got up, supported each other and nursed each other back to health in a nearby cave.

The sun elf hero did the chores in the daytime when he was more powerful, the moon elf hero took that role during nighttime.

When they both had healed themselves and regained their strength, they thanked each other like the brothers they had become and decided that the silly feud had to end, they are all elves in the end.

They went to their respective village and explained their thoughts to the counsel of village elders.

“How dare you insult the sacrifice of our ancestors?”

“The moon elves killed so many of our men, and you are saying we shouldn’t punish them for it?”

The elders of both the villages branded their respective heroes as heretics who had been ‘brainwashed by the villain of that hero’.

They sentenced them to death for treachery.

The heroes were torn between loyalty to their village and faithfulness to their dealings with the ‘evil side’. The villagers, who had blind faith in the elders, gossiped about how evil the other side was.

The two heroes ran away from their villages and met in the same cave.

Why didn’t anyone believe in them like they did earlier?

Unbeknownst to them, soldiers from both villages were already stationed there and waiting for them.

They jumped them when they were the most vulnerable and killed them both.

This was the story of the two traitors who died, together.

That’s it for now

Comment on this post with your answer to the above 2 questions.

And thank you for reading me again~

I can never express how grateful I am to have people read what I write. I literally want to keep quitting writing when I hit sad times, but the thought of readers like you reading and even waiting for my next writing piece keeps me going.

I will continue this topic in the next issue and share my thoughts on this whole thing.

Also, I know some of you are eagerly waiting for the 2nd part of The Layers of Decoding Your Life Purpose, but sadly I will need some time for it. Everything I wrote in that issue was my experience, and if I had to put myself in the circle, I am on Level 4, trying to find out what I actually want to do.

Although I do understand some of my body needs as well (Level 5) - I can, for the most cases, resolve my physical problems by myself by working on my stress, but I still don’t know enough about this whole thing to explain it in writing.

Thank you for waiting so patiently while I work on it, folks. I am a hardcore believer in writer’s integrity, and prefer to not write or giving disclaimers over making ‘regular’ content and I love you guys for respecting that.

Anyways, ciao! I will see you in the next one.

P.S.: Are you on Instagram?

I am going to start posting in earnest, I made a carousel to post today evening which will go something like this -

Do follow me on Instagram to keep up with my shenanigans!

(I also put up tonnes of stories of fun posts I come across online with my own takes)

You can also follow me on X (Twitter).

P.S.S.:

Someone posted this story:

And I am still laughing at the reply I gave her to this one:

Originally published on Substack. View Discussion on Substack →